God Bless American Idol

I do hope you're tuning in to watch the best TV of the year -- the open audition casting calls for American Idol.

For all who have suffered while being forced to listen to a tone deaf family member or drunken karaoke warbler who loudly declared they were God's gift to music, this is payback time.

For those of you have suffered by the off-key screeching of people who are oblivious to their monumental lack of talent, your wounds will now heal.

And for anyone who has suffered in silence while others around you, either kind-hearted or seriously misjudged, offered further encouragement to these so-called singers, sit back and enjoy while all these hacks get ripped a new asshole and make complete fools of themselves before the biggest audience they could ever wish for.

99% of American Idol's success is due to Simon Cowell, who has probably never sung a note in his life but is dead-on accurate in predicting beauty school or cruise ship fates for those who think becoming the next Mariah Carey requires no vocal lessons or practice. His honesty makes him both loved (by me) and hated (by many others), but he happens to almost always be absolutely right.

Some say that ridiculing these people is cruel theater. Of course it is. But it's also extremely funny. Who couldn't laugh when that Mary Roach ("Scary Mary") proceeded to completely destroy a Carole King standard, dance worse than me, tell the judges she had voices talking to her in her head, and then completely ignore their feedback and scream that all her friends said she was a great singer? I laughed so hard I almost had to run to the bathroom.

Reality TV is not the end of creativity. This is delusional people MEETING reality. Now that's entertaining. It's Must-See TV!