KKKramer?

We’ve all read about celebrities from Charles Lindbergh to Mel Gibson become infamous because of their racist or anti-Semitic ramblings, but thanks to today’s technology we can all witness these fascinating meltdowns ourselves. If you’re one of the few who have not witnessed Michael Richards’ career self-destruct before your very eyes, make sure you check it out here.

It’s all a shame, really. Like you, I was a big Kramer fan. He was by far the goofiest and most likeable member of the whole Seinfeld ensemble. I’d first seen Richards in a dumb movie called UHF, a Weird Al vehicle that didn’t even become a cult classic. But Richards, playing a dimwitted janitor, was the highlight, using his lean body and bizarre facial contortions for good laughs. Then he had a guest role on Night Court as a defendant who tries to convince Harry Anderson that he’s invisible. His dues finally paid off in the Kramer role he was born to play. I still watch the reruns and even though I’ve seen all the episodes plenty of times, he still makes me laugh. He’s one of the best physical comedians ever – not quite Belushi, but better than Chris Farley.

And now we watch the sad and pathetic racist tirades, all because of him being bothered by a heckler! You’d think someone like Richards would have developed thicker skin after all the years of hard work and obvious rejection that every struggling comic must go through. It also shows how tough it is to be a truly great stand up comedian. Someone like Lenny Bruce or George Carlin, whose talents lie with using language and twisting it to both reflect and belittle societal norms in a humorous way, could have taken “those words” as Richards calls them, and not only made them into a Teflon joke but also gotten the crowd behind the comedian and against the hecklers. Sacha Baron Cohen’s Borat character is a current master at this very tricky type of humor. Unfortunately, Richards’ talents lie more with scripted and physical performances, and he was too far out of his element here.

And if the stand up routine sent Richards’ career down in flames, the Late Show mea culpa on Monday night was even more awkward and painful to watch (which is why it was such great television). Richards was obviously still rattled and unprepared for a public apology, and he should have rehearsed his performance with a good publicist beforehand.

The American public tends to forgive its celebrities, but the forgiveness is often dependent on both the celebrity’s stature and what they did wrong. Sexual scandals like Hugh Grant’s, Marv Albert’s and Kobe Bryant’s are quickly forgotten. Drug and alcoholic binges that result in public humiliation are overlooked too, although not as quickly. But when racism or anti-Semitism is involved, the road back is much longer because the transgressions move from self-inflicted wounds to offending a large portion of the population. Fans can quickly become alienated. This is why Mel Gibson tried to spin his anti-Semitic rants into an alcoholic problem. Time will tell if the public will forgive him.

But Richards’ road back will be much more difficult, and not just because he is a smaller star than Gibson. To watch the hipster doofus we all loved as the goofy next door neighbor scream racial epithets, even in botched jest, may have been too much of a character shock for many of us to forget or forgive.

Some Free Advice for Gay Marriage Advocates

I live in Massachusetts, the only state where people of the same sex can legally wed. The issue was decided by the courts, not the people, and after the initial surprise most people here honestly couldn’t care less about the issue. I opined about this in one of my first blog entries and my views haven’t changed. If you’re a man and want to marry another man, have a blast. Same for the ladies.

But most people around the country don’t feel the same way. They believe marriage should be between a man and a woman. The issue mobilized religious partisans from black churches to fundamentalist Baptists, and they were joined by plenty of other, mainly older, people who were more open-minded and not even homophobic, but didn’t feel comfortable about the whole idea. The Republicans pounced on it in 2004, and it was one of several issues that led them to victory that year.

If you look at the state-by-state vote tally (about halfway down the page) you’ll see that when put to a popular vote, gay marriage didn’t even come close to a victory in any state, even the states that Kerry won, like Michigan and Oregon. Moreover, virtually all Democrats, including Kerry and both Clintons, have rejected the idea. Clearly, most Americans are not ready for gay marriage.

So if you’re a gay marriage advocate, what do you do? I think the problem is that they’re trying to hit a home run when they can win the game with base hits. They’re overreaching their goals and overestimating what the public accepts. That’s not fair, but that’s the way it is, and they need to play the game better.

If you look back at the top of the Wikipedia page, which I hope is accurate, you’ll notice that many legislatures or courts have permitted the “civil union” compromise to proceed. This is marriage in all but name, with more legal and estate rights than most common-law marriages, although it varies a bit with each state. Polls have also consistently shown that voters are more tolerant of civil unions than the marriage proposal.

So my advice would be to step back and stop with the “M” word. Try civil unions first, preferably through the legislature or courts instead of the ballot box. Then a few years later after everyone has settled down and understand their marriages haven’t changed, then you try the marriage route. But only if the civil unions are in place and established first, because then you have your fallback option.

Some people may read this and think that civil unions are not enough – they want to be just as happily married as Elizabeth Taylor and Larry King are. And don't forget that meeting of the minds with Britney Spears and Kevin Federline. That’s understandable, but as an old geezer once said, you can’t always get what you want, but sometimes you get what you need. When you’re rolling out a radical new concept, caution and patience are sometimes the way you pull things off. Things like integration and third world independence didn’t happen overnight either, but they were also done slowly and through the courts or governments instead of the popular vote.

The best advice I ever heard about negotiating came from Ronald Reagan. Reagan said if you’re negotiating and the other side makes an offer that gives you at least 51% of what you want, take the deal. Then, six months later or whenever the time is right, go back to the other side, show them the results to prove how right you were, and you’ll get the other 49%. Civil unions offer quite a bit of what gay marriage advocates want. Take the deal, and come back to the table later.