RIP Democratic Party

While I was out of town an interesting thing happened to the Democratic Party. It committed suicide.

The trigger was pulled when Howard Dean became party chairman. Rumors of Hunter Thompson killing himself when he heard this horrible news could not be confirmed.

It’s hard to believe that just over a decade ago, the Democrats owned the White House and both branches of Congress. The party’s declining relevance and deterioration has been painful to witness, especially when compared to how the Republicans have transformed the federal government into a one-party state. I’m not a Republican, but have marveled at how well organized and focused they have been in establishing a grass roots organization, creating a clearly defined message, locking onto the key concerns of their constituents and presenting charismatic candidates who bring out the votes.

Of course, none of this would be possible without an escalating series of severe Democratic blunders. How ironic that the party which began grass roots politics with the unions and farmers in the 1950s completely overlooked the growing concern with values in America’s heartland and South. Now “values” is an enigmatic buzzword that will be a subject of a future brain dump from yours truly – who here is against values? – but the Democrats still missed the boat. When it came to identifying what concerned voters and signing up candidates who address these issues, the Republicans won in a landslide.

Speaking of candidates, John Kerry – with all due respect – was terrible. As a longtime Massachusetts resident I liked Kerry as a Senator, but he clearly did not have what Tom Wolfe called “the right stuff” to be a presidential candidate. On the national stage he was stiff, wishy washy and just not endearing. Kerry was clearly smarter and better prepared than Bush, and he won all the debates. But there is a likeability factor that pundits overlook, and Kerry was just not a likeable guy to your average Kansan or Cajun. Everyone I know who voted for Kerry did so not because they liked him, but because they didn’t approve of Bush. That’s not going to win the Democrats any swing voters. Kerry’s personal mannerisms and immense wealth let Karl Rove successfully paint him as an elitist, out-of-touch liberal.

This elitism showcases another Democratic gaffe – their leaders, candidates and attitudes still resemble the 1980s or early 1990s when upscale urban and suburban votes were critical. Well, the Upper West Side, Cambridge and Berkeley are now safely Democratic. What the Democrats haven’t noticed is that the rest of the country has deserted them because of this focus. Who are the Democratic leaders? John Kerry, Ted Kennedy, Barbara Boxer, Nancy Pelosi. Are they reaching out to blue collar Midwesterners or suburban Colorado voters? Are they connecting with these Americans on values or terrorism, the two issues that still define the political landscape?

And into this quagmire steps Howard Dean, another polarizing figure who won one state in the primaries (his home state of Vermont) and whose Godzilla impression forever tarred him as loopy. Republicans are either tapping kegs in celebration or scratching their heads in disbelief over Dean’s victory. Honestly, I think the reason is less Dean’s personal platform and more of his fundraising skills. Dean did grow a small but vocal grassroots organization that raised an impressive amount of money. But fundraising isn’t the Democrats’ problem. The problem is they are not addressing the issues that are important to Southern, Midwestern and Heartland voters and they cannot produce a charismatic, non-polarizing candidate who can espouse them. Dean is part of this problem, not the solution.

While the Republicans have a slew of candidates waiting in the wings for 2008 – McCain, Guiliani, Jeb Bush and others – the Democrats can only muster Hilary Clinton, another polarizing elitist who will continue to sink the Democratic boat. Dr. Dean certainly has his work cut out for him, but I have a simple suggestion to help change attitudes toward Democrats in some red states.

Be nice.

By being nice, try to avoid blasting the President at every opportunity and try to find some new issues of your own to develop. Right now, no voter can define what your party stands for. Whether it’s values, Social Security or health care, find something where you can put a stake in the ground.

Be nice by soul searching. Don’t dismiss all the red state voters as uneducated, intolerant and uninformed rednecks. Frankly, that’s part of your problem. Your national platform is so poor that local elections aren’t going your way either. Tom Daschle’s defeat is a perfect example.

Be nice by asking voters why they seemed to vote against their better judgment, not by telling them how morally superior you are because you disagree with them. Plenty of unemployed, in-debt families in Ohio voted for a party that gives huge tax breaks to billionaires because they didn’t think you connected with them. Find out why, politely.

Be nice by finding candidates who don’t lecture or talk down to voters, even if that’s not their intent. Bush is almost as rich as Kerry, yet he comes across as an average guy that average Americans can relate to. That’s not unfair, that’s just the way it is.

Be nice by bringing the party more in step with average America, instead of allying yourself with celebrities. The president was absolutely right when he said Hollywood is not the heart and soul of America. Everyone likes to be entertained, but in reality values does not equal entertainment.

Being nice is a start. If you don’t believe me, go visit the Upper West Side and Berkeley, and then visit anywhere in the Midwest or South. I guarantee you the people are nicer.

Romney's Stem Cell Runaround

Here I am in my home state of Massachusetts, explaining on occasion to out-of-blue-state friends that Governor Mitt Romney gets a bad rap. He ended the archaic blue laws here which forbade liquor sales on Sunday (yes, that was in Massachusetts), refused to eat cheesesteaks from Pennsylvania in a Super Bowl bet for health reasons and has actually held federal employees to account for their job performance, having the nerve -- nerve I say! -- to fire more than one supervisor who screwed up the Big Dig.

It seemed that Romney fit the Northeast Republican model to a T -- a social moderate who refused to let religion turn him into a Puritan. He fit the mold set by George Pataki, Rudolph Guiliani, John Rowland, Christie Todd Whitman and others who were palatable to educated urban young adults and older suburban Republicans. These governors and mayors certainly had their faults, but by and large wouldn't let their personal religious beliefs dictate how they should enforce the Constitution and protect individual liberties.

But yesterday, Romney did a flip-flop John Kerry would envy. He announced he now wants to ban a specific type (not all) of stem cell research on the grounds it is unethical and destroys human life. Further Kerry-fying the issue, he added he supports all other kinds of stem cell research.

The whole contretemps is actually quite confusing. Since running for office in 2002, Romney has pushed hard to make Massachusetts a biotech nirvana. Just last month he was on record saying he would help the State Legislature pass laws to promote research, just like California is doing. There is speculation that Romney has national ambitions and this is a lame attempt to curry favor in the far-more conservative national Republican party, which is against almost all stem cell research. The very fact that Romney announced this in The New York Times instead of The Boston Globe or Boston Herald favors this. In the color-blind partisan Washington world, the word "republican" and "Massachusetts" don't mix, despite the fact that Republicans have held the corner office here for 15 years.

Romney hasn't backtracked yet but said embryos for stem cell research created by cloning cross an ethical line. To watch Romney's stem cell ideas evolve see this site.

Like abortion, stem cell research has very serious moral and ethical issues. Nobody should arrive at a decision on either subject without careful considering the consequences. As you can guess, I'm a fan of individual freedom and choice and even if stem cell research only achieves half of its potential, we would be foolhardy not to exploit its benefits. And speaking for Massachusetts -- a state still recovering from the technology depression and with world-class biotechnology colleges and businesses -- investing in stem cell research should be a no-brainer. You are destroying a living embryo; once those two little cells meet, you've got life. But if what we learn from the research helps prolong life in sick people and finds a cure for a single disease, those embryos have not been destroyed in vain.

Governor Romney is a smart guy who, maybe to suck up to the partisan national GOP, had to backtrack on his official policy. Or maybe he had given real thought to the issue and reconsidered his position, and offered a half-assed compromise to try and please everyone. Either way, he comes across as either pandering to the right or backstabbing the biotech community he worked so hard to court. If he gets his way, the new sucking sound in Massachusetts will be the biotech community fleeing to California, Europe or wherever scientific and economic progress and dollars won't be hindered by a leader's personal beliefs.

Virginia's Unbelievably Important Underpants Law

I was going to do a whole goof on the Virginia state congressman who wanted to fine people who wear low-riding pants that expose their boxers, but a state committee killed the bill after everyone realized the guy who proposed the law was a nitwit.

Now the lawmaker who proposed this, Algie T. Howell, can turn to less important matters like crime, taxes and jobs.

I'm always repelled and fascinated by legislators who have never read the Constitution and have nothing better to do than to dictate what their constituents should wear, what TV and radio they should watch and what music is good for them. At least stupidity is non-partisan -- Mr. Howell is a black Democrat.

Note to Mr. Howell: If seeing underpants offends you, I would avoid going to Virginia Beach.

The planet eagerly anticipates his next bill banning fat people from spandex.

Moving to Canada? Be Careful What You Wish For

I read The New York Times every day but that doesn’t make me a left-winger, and the bulk of this blog is dedicated to skewering die-hard partisans on both sides of the political aisle. But it was tough not to laugh at the people who are emigrating to Canada because they claim President Bush is destroying this country and making it impossible for them to stay here.

Before the election was decided, Hollywood types from George Clooney and Barbara Streisand to Cher and Rob Reiner declared that if Bush were re-elected, they were all moving to Canada. Of course, these phonies have reconsidered their decision and we can now only dream of a country without George Clooney. We’re so fortunate to still have millionaire celebrities like Cher who can share her well-thought-out political views with us.

I’ve got news for anyone seriously considering a move to Canada: Canadians are still lining up by the thousands to emigrate here. While Alec Baldwin decided not to deprive us of his company, Jim Carrey, Paul Shaffer, Peter Jennings, Mike Myers, Celine Dion and a slew of others figured out that America might be a slightly better place to succeed no matter who is in the White House.

Alec may also have flinched at that tax bracket he would have entered. An average person not even close to his income loses at least 50% of their income to Canadian taxes each year. And that’s Canadian dollars.

You hear a lot about cheap Canadian drugs. What you don’t hear about the Canadian health care system is how recipients of the free, publicly funded system can wait weeks or months for consultations when they have chest pains or other “minor” problems. Many of these Canadians have found a way around this – they come to America for prompt treatment.

Here’s a personal story. Last year my doctor ordered me to the hospital for an emergency appendectomy. When I met the surgeon I asked if they could give me drugs instead of surgery at 3 a.m. He rolled his eyes and said, “Well Dave, if we were in Canada and my job was to keep medical costs down I would give you drugs. And they might even work for a few days or weeks. But you know what? Appendixes are funny things and when they swell as big as yours is right now, they tend to cause trouble. And my job as a U.S.-based doctor is to get you better.” Thank you, Dr. Republican (and my HMO that picked up the tab).

Back to the potential Canadian émigrés. The main reason they’re moving is because they don’t like what George Bush says. Wait until they see the free speech laws in Canada – better yet, the complete lack of a Canadian First Amendment. Howard Stern was on in Canada a few years ago, but three people wrote the government to say they were offended so he was taken off the air. Here’s a Canadian definition of defamation of character, courtesy of the Media Libel web site: “A defamatory statement exists if the publication tends to lower the plaintiff’s reputation in the estimation of those who are commonly referred to as ‘right thinking’ members of society.” You can say whatever you want about me or the president on this side of the border, but we can’t sue you or throw you in jail if we don’t like it.

Are you a sports fan? Then forget about following baseball unless you love the Blue Jays. Montreal was so uninterested in and unsupportive of the Expos that they fled to Washington. The Vancouver Grizzlies of the NBA also fled south due to complete disinterest from Canada and after every player demanded a trade when they saw how much tax was taken out of their paycheck. But don’t worry, there’s plenty of hockey! Oh, wait a second….

Now Canada does have its merits. If you’re in love with frigid temperatures and find Minneapolis too balmy, Canada’s Arctic blasts and eight-month winters are right up your ally. Most of the Canadian beer I’ve had is pretty good, although you can get Moosehead and Molson right here in the U.S. Caribou lovers will be in heaven. And most Canadians I’ve met have been extremely friendly people. All of them moved from Canada to the U.S., but we’ve already covered that.

All kidding aside, it does bother me when people want to leave this country because they equate Republicans with fascists and call George Bush a Nazi. The Nazis murdered many of my relatives who I never got to meet and I have talked with dozens of Holocaust survivors about their experiences over the years. I urge anyone who thinks this country is moving too far to the right to meet with these people, or any recent immigrants from places like Iraq, Cuba or even someone who lived in Eastern Europe before 1989. They will learn what it’s like to really live under fascism, and will appreciate the freedoms they may be taking for granted.

But don’t leave the country just because you don’t like the President. It’s not quite the same as leaving your job if you don’t like your boss. And did I mention all the people that speak French up there…

(Thanks to Alex Beam, who gave me the idea and some info for this rant.)

Praising the Patriots

Bill Belichick, the head coach of the New England Patriots, constantly reads Sun Tzu’s The Art of War. The book (a quick- and must-read, if you haven’t read it) focuses on how 90% of the battle is won before you step on the battlefield, the importance of discipline and having your soldiers behind you and how deception is key in achieving victory.

Nowhere in the book does it dwell on superstar soldiers or making special concessions to high-salaried lieutenants with different rules. There is nothing to deal with petulance or mid-level captains who feel they are disrespected and deserve more. There is no quarter given for showboating or trash-talking (at least off the field).

As the Patriots celebrate their third championship in four years, there is no team that is more deserving of the “champion” moniker. Anyone who follows football can document the team’s achievements. But what makes the Patriots the very best champions in any sport is commendable to anyone seeking to develop a champion-caliber team of any sort.

There is a cliché so overworked it has almost lost its effectiveness: There’s no I in team. Tell that to the Philadelphia Eagles, whose talented receiver Terrell Owens spent every day making sure everyone knew the game was all about him. Tell that to Pedro Martinez, another gifted athlete who left the Red Sox because they didn’t give him the “respect” he deserved in his new contract. (Memo to Pedro: Respect is a two-way street.) There are an ugly rash of athletes whose scorn for teamwork and hubris are only eclipsed by the attention the media pays to them, giving them a soapbox they have neither earned nor deserved.

In contrast, look at the Patriots. Apart from Tom Brady, Adam Vinatieri and maybe Tedy Bruschi, can you name any of them? From Belichick on down, there is a startling lack of superstars, and nobody has a me-first or money-first attitude among them. Players sign for less money for an opportunity to play with General Belichick and what Sun Tzu has taught him, along with reams of game film and decades of football experience. Nobody complains if they don’t start, have high stats, have to play special teams or need to learn a new position.

The players, rookies and veterans alike, know that when you sign with the Patriots you’re joining a team where selfishness and ego are banned. Belichick’s word and edicts are the law and not meant to be bent or tested. Belichick’s staff even does homework on prospects’ character to see if they’ll accept this environment. Randy Moss may be a great player, but do you think he’d work out on this team? Or that his demands and behavior would be tolerated here? No way, and that makes the team better.

In the first Super Bowl against the highly favored St. Louis Rams, the Rams were introduced first before the game started. One by one they were introduced and ran out to the field. When it was the Patriots’ turn, they all ran out together because they wanted to be introduced as a team. Rams LB Don Davis saw that and knew there was going to be trouble. Today, Davis plays for the Patriots and is a rabid adherent to Belichick’s team-first philosophy, which he had previously disdained.
The closest thing to a team superstar is QB Tom Brady. When you consider what Brady has accomplished, you could still accept his achievements if he was a showboating, arrogant asshole who had the richest contract in the league, the most endorsements and the hottest girlfriend. But guess what? Brady doesn’t showboat and he’s not an asshole. In fact, he’s remarkably down to earth and doesn’t have the contract that Peyton Manning has (although it’s not shabby). The few endorsements he’s done include some of his teammates because that’s one of his “demands” when doing endorsements. He doesn’t have Manning’s stats or notoriety, but he does have a few things Manning doesn’t – three Super Bowl rings. All the guy does is study hard, win football games, and makes sure he thanks his teammates in public for their help. And if the top player on the team follows this path, that’s why the third receiver isn’t going to complain if he doesn’t get the ball thrown his way every time. OK, Brady has the hot girlfriend too, but he deserves her.

Of course, none of this would matter if the Patriots didn’t win. But they do win. All the Sun Tzu talk and team-first attitude wouldn’t work if Belichick wasn’t a football mastermind. But he is, and his accomplishments and learning from his mistakes have been well-documented. The NFL is also the toughest league to repeat as a champion because of the salary cap, free agency and other financial factors that make it very difficult to keep a team together. But it also keeps every team even and has saved the NFL from the financial disasters that plague Major League Baseball and the National Hockey League. Sports are the one industry where capitalism is not the best solution.

In a world where many athletes are better known for their salary, rap sheet or big mouth than their accomplishments, the Patriots are the best example of leadership, sacrifice and championship any city could have. Charles Barkley was wrong about one thing – athletes are role models, and a team like the Patriots are the best you could ask for.