Our Princess-Free House and Daughter

Like parents with young children everywhere, we belong to the Disney Movie Club and our house is stocked with Disney DVDs. Finding Nemo? Check. Toy Story? Check. Cinderella?

Nope, no Cinderella. And no Sleeping Beauty, Little Mermaid or Snow White either. To promote my young daughter’s long-term self-esteem, we are keeping our house princess free.

If you look at the classic Disney titles I’ve mentioned here, they all involve a princess heroine. And this heroine is the most passive and dependent person in the entire movie, who is unable to do much of anything until she finds a prince, gets married and lives happily ever after in a land of sunshine and unicorns. How sexist and antiquated, especially in 2007 when women are running countries, curing diseases and (too) slowly become CEOs of leading international companies.

I don’t blame Disney for this. Many of these movies were made decades ago when a woman was expected to stay home, raise the children and have a warm dinner waiting for her husband, who she also relied on for money. Women rarely went to college or had any chance of careers outside of teaching or administrative work. Thankfully this era has passed, but way too many women today (especially those with less education or poor role models) still consider their lives incomplete unless they’ve found a rich man.

But the films, which of course are well-made classics, have remained and now the princess bridal gowns and the chance to have a princess wedding in Disney World. It goes beyond Disney too. Mattel now has a Princess Barbie line, and lots of hotels and restaurants have “princess packages” for girls under 10.

Do I sound like an overreacting ultra-feminist? I probably do, but even if this is a phase young girls will grow out of, I’m leery of my impressionable young daughter being marketed a lifestyle where nothing is more important than marriage and good looks. Girls today have enough bad role models with Britney Spears, the Pussycat Dolls and Paris Hilton already. Right near us in Natick, Massachusetts is a Club Libby Lu, a store billed as a girl’s secret club where girls can get makeovers, clothes (miniskirts and tube tops appear to be popular) and “have their own princess party!!!” The store’s target market? Five- to 12-year-olds.

So for as long as possible, my wife and I are keeping our house princess-free. As for Disney, they got the message in the 1990s and recent movies like Aladdin and Pocahontas feature independent women who don’t run away with a man to live happily ever after. Even better is Mulan, where the heroine is told girls need to stay at home and subsequently disguises herself as a boy to lead an army and save her father. Curiously, Mulan appears in the Princess line in a kimono, which she hated wearing in the movie because she was told that’s what women had to wear.

And when someone recently told my daughter she was a princess she said, “I’m not a princess! I’m a big girl!!” I have already congratulated myself on my parenting.

More Info: A feature in The New York Times on this subject (subscribers only - bleah)