Rocket Gun for Hire

Roger Clemens has become baseball’s Man With No Name. Like Clint Eastwood, Clemens is an iconic Gun For Hire who drifts from town to town to assist whichever ball club offers him the most money. Like Eastwood, Clemens is the best at what he does, mowing down baffled hitters with a split-fingered shooter of ruthless efficiency. And when the season is over and his work is done, he collects his paycheck and wanders off, ready to offer his services to the next town that can ante up for him.

I actually don’t have a problem with Clemens becoming a mercenary in the twilight of his baseball career. If he can find a ballclub willing to pay for his services and he produces, more power to him. And Lord knows the Yankees could use him. New York has a pitching staff that resembles a MASH unit with a collective age that is almost AARP eligible. Not to mention an ERA that is worse than Tampa Bay’s.

The only thing I object to is Clemens’ self-professed desire to work for a team that will give him a shot at the World Series. That is bunk. Clemens signed with New York over Boston and Houston because they gave him the most money and a chance to start right away (which would also give him more money). Prorated for a June 1 beginning, Clemens will make $28 million a season, eclipsing Alex Rodriguez’s $27 million salary. The signing puts the Yankees another $7.5 million in the hole on luxury tax issues. Clemens will also enjoy the perks the Yankees said they would never give him last year, including private travel apart from his teammates and not having to accompany the team on road trips if he doesn’t want to. So much for Brian Cashman’s pledge to make the Yankees younger and more of a team.

Even though the Red Sox have a more recent World Series victory and are 5 ½ games in front of New York right now, Red Sox diehards will always have a serious case of Yankee Envy. The mood up here is a “Who needs him anyway?” attitude, mired in the perennial Boston sour grapes. I advise all Sox fans to just wait until next year, when Schilling’s contract is up and Clemens’ services are for hire again. Who knows where the gunslinger may turn up next spring?